Thanks greetings from Wal-Mart, White Sox fans …
Oh sorry, this is Globe Life Field and it’s not a Wal-Mart at all. This evening, the South Siders set out to win the second game of this series against the Rangers, at Texas ’new air-conditioned super center. (If you’re a Texan reading this summary, you may want to go out shopping for your drink tonight, as you can’t do it on Sundays because your laws are from the 1930s).
Maybe it’s the distant camera angles of this new field or the fluorescent lights, but Globe Life Field reminds me of my ex: barren and characterless. With all the White Sox injuries this year, this field makes me nervous with its obsolete astroturf. But hey, at least the flexibility of the fake turf allowed the National Finals Rodeo to be held here last December. I thought the reels were an old-fashioned punyline, but in Texas they aren’t.
In one of the most tedious games in recent memory, the White Sox didn’t have many opportunities to score tonight. Lance Lynn facing losing Sixth Stooge Spencer Howard looked like an easy win for the South Siders. With random rollers and hate group mixers being held at Globe Life Field, the Rangers found some lucky horseshoes in their locker room and pushed them to places where it’s illegal to talk in the state of Texas.
The fate of the Rangers prevailed this evening. Clearly, Luis Robert grazed his arm with a ball in the first bat of the match, but when he was challenged, he was not turned upside down. When the White Sox needed this challenge for a clearly safe Brian Goodwin called up early in the fourth inning, fluff, he had already disappeared. Later, Lance Lynn loaded the bases after a ball fall from Romy González. An offside play, thrown by Leury who should have finished the inning, was initially called a double play, only to be canceled out by a lucky Texas challenge, and the Rangers won 1-0.
There’s something about being at Globe Life Field that can exhaust your enthusiasm. Our White Sox advertisers were so bored that they made live bets on tomorrow’s Bears game amid a tedious entry. The camera stared more than once at a sleeping White Sox fan, and no one can blame him, because Texas has banned having fun. For a moment, I thought it was a night of promotional Halloween costumes in the countryside, but they were just Texan women dressed as pilgrims in the bleachers, scared to break Texas law by not showing off their stockings. There were a few times in the game where they cut a different camera and it was black, probably due to the Texas blackouts. Let’s be honest: Texas sucks.
Although nine hours passed during this endless game, every time baseball played even a Rangers bat, the crowd would and wouldn’t like them to not watch fall balls or fly. Numerous White Sox fans in the stands finally erupted when season-ending hero Yasmani Grandal hit a solo homer to tie the game, 1-1, in the sixth (which looked like the twentieth inning).
Although our offense suffered tonight, our defense was remarkably good. Luis Robert saved a run in the sixth, when the poor quality astroturf worked in his favor, causing a bigger ball jump than usual, and the opportunity for a stellar launch at Grandal’s home, which Andy Ibáñez scored on the plate. Even though a race was saved, Texas still scored in the frame, and the Rangers ’2-1 lead would be maintained to win the Rangers 2-1.
This familiar feeling of all or nothing has been experienced by many White Sox fans tonight with this loss. With the win defeated last night, this low-scoring yawn was unexpected with Lynn on the mound. The Rangers have the third-worst win percentage in major leagues, so a quick win seemed like a donation to the White Sox, but they couldn’t get it. A painful loss follows yesterday’s easy victory and will precede tomorrow’s likely victory.
I’m sick of blaming the White Sox, so we blame Texas. Arlington, home of the Rangers, was reported to be the most unfriendly city for tourists in the nation, probably because residents are angry that they live there. It is illegal to own the Encyclopedia Britannica in Texas because it tells you how to brew beer. Heat and humidity only break when a hurricane or tornado passes, and yes, they both do.
The good news is that the White Sox have a game left in this glorified convertible barn, and with Tim Anderson expected to be in training tomorrow, our offense will likely be all in place tomorrow.
Hey, there’s no Six Pack tonight, so here are your MVP and Cold Cat ballots in addition to the nominal call.
Tonight’s loss to Texas was both unexpected and horrible. Can we call him an MVP?
Yasmani Grandal: 1-for-2, 2 BB, HR, R, RBI, cool home design, 0.203 WPA
Arlington Stadium: at least it was an honest, outdoor ball park and not a converted rusty RV hangar
Lance Lynn: 5 1⁄3 IP, 6 H, ER, 2 BB, 5 K, .007 WPA, thanks Rangers!
Larry Himes: to turn Harold Baines into Sammy Sosa, Scott Fletcher and Wilson Alvarez.
9 votes in total
Wow, three hits against … Texas. So give me some Cold Cats dishes.
Brian Goodwin: 0-for-4, K, stolen at once because a (lost) challenge was already issued, -.246 WPA
Eloy Jiménez: 0 for 4, K, -174 WPA
José Abreu: 0 for 4, K, -.140 WPA
The White Sox, et al .: To be essentially a .500 (30-29) team in the second half
The Padres, to acquire 800 stars this year and not only will lose the playoffs, but they had to have the conference of the megastar Manny Machado, of the megastel Fernando Tatís Jr., on the interest, in a quarrel
12 votes in total
South Side Sox Roll Call
Well, the most interesting thing tonight, or at least the funniest statistic, was that in a 211-comment thread, we had the first three-way tie at the top of the scoreboard this season. Yes, ruffster, Pointerbabe and 1969 Vikings were arranged on a horror tripod in our comment list:
As for the green, there was none. In fact, technically Pointerbabe takes the win here, creating the only comment with more than one rec.